Chuck Norris-taglines

[Severed]

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles".
Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he
grew a beard.

4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his
beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and
starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too
much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift
of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence
to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of
roundhouse kick related deaths.

7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by
yelling, "Bang!"

8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from
cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on
his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".

10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is
injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer.
This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to
lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.

11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck
said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came
back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he
threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with
cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her
a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

13. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours.
If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my
virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.

15. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put
razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his"
way.

[deep]

already posted that link in another thread.

[shake]

chuck norris is my hero.... i wonder how good he would be at halo

another good one: Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

[SLaYeR]

i imagine chuck norris to be very good at halo, hed probably create his own button configuration just to pull off a roundhouse kick.....

[SmeaGz]

hahaha my friend told me chuck norris plays world of warcraft

i was like SHIT....he'd have a hot key for roundhouse kicks

[Ephrum]

Chuck Norris asked for a Big Mac at Burger King...and got one.

President George W. Bush DID have a sure fire plan at stopping the war in Iraq...however, Chuck Norris was busy that day.

The US stopped looking for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, when they found Chuck Norris living in Texas.

Chuck Norris beat Cyclops in a staring contest.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity, twice.

Chuck Norris can devide by Zero.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris Pajamas.

As a teen, Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a covenant tucked away in Tiscany. 9 months later, the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied football team in NFL history.

Chuck Norris and God once placed a wadger on who could create a more awesome human being. God created Jesus, Chuck Norris created Vin Diesle. God still owes Chuck Norris a blow job.

When Chuck Norris was delivered, he came out of the womb feet first, he then immediatly round house kicked the delivering doctor in the face. No one delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.


Umm... that's all I can remember right off the top of my head that you didn't post...ohh, I've got a Vin Diesle one...


When Vin Diesle was born, the nurse screamed "Holy Sh!t! That's Vin Diesle!" She then proceeded to have sex with him. At that point, she was the 3rd girl Vin Diesle had slept with.

[Kombat Frank]

i think my favorite chuck norris line of all time is.
chuck norris counted to infinity, twice
hahaha i just love the twice part